The first week
We've now spent with the little girl one week. It was a pretty hard one. Lot of fears, lot of sleepless hours and a lot of thinking and overthinking. If you wonder what I'm talking about here goes to the first post in this topic.
Getting to know each other
She had a bond with my wife pretty fast. It was the good and it was the bad. She wasn't even able to go to the toilet alone. Her new and little shadow followed her everytime and everywhere. In the first day she was distant to my kids and even more distant to me. It made me sad at the very beginning and I had to remember myself, that I don't have a clue what she witnessed at home, what kind of connection she had with men. After 1,5 days she got to used to the presence of my kids and they started to play games. At first pretty nervous and very attentive. But after a while they had real fun playing with each other. I thought my daughter is loud... This tiny human can be LOUD!
First struggles
We didn't have a clue what kind of parenting she had back home. What kind of structures and daily routine she had (if she had any). My wife had and still has a hard time to say no to her. The employees of the administration said explicitly, that we have to say no to her. But it isn't that easy if you want to make a great time for her during the (not free will) vacation in our home.\
She starts to eat with us, the same as we. After 2-3 bites she doesn't want it anymore, instead something new. With this new food she does the very same. We end up 3-4 portion of food she didn't eat. My heart bleeds because of the food wasting.
At the evenings she cried a lot in the first 3 days. She wanted to be with her mommy.
As she is just 3 months younger than my daughter, she (my daughter) has to share a lot of her toys, books, etc. with her. She also ALWAYS wants to play with the same things my daughter wants to. The two have a lot of friction. All of a sudden she has to share almost everything with someone else. It hits her really hard.
Her short time memory is really bad. I'm not just critical against her! She ate a cookie and within 5 seconds she asked where is her cookie. We told her she already ate it. After 10 to 20 seconds she asks again. \ We've played with putty and we have a set where you can make teeth out of putty, put them into the mouth of a man and play dentist. For the task you have a form for the teeth. I showed her about 10 times how to make a tooth. And she still asked me what to do, if it's right. The short time memory issue is something makes our day really hard. Answering the same questions over and over again. Is it some kind of trauma? Or did her mother drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes during the pregnancy? The latter one could also explain why she's so small. She's just 3 months younger than my daughter and next to her the little girl looks and behaves like a two years old. They are both 4 years old. Please don't get me wrong. I'm not judging her or pledge her with something and behave differently. It's absolutely not her fault. But this thing makes the whole situation much worse and so heartbreaking for us. She was born in a family where she's neglected and her mother probably gave her a handicap for life.
It's really hard to tell her no. She's really sweet and cute.
Light at the end of the tunnel
On the weekend she was already fine with my kids, she played and laughed a lot. The games got more intense. And again louder. In these circumstances it's easy to forget about my tinnitus.
On Saturday I was able to spend an hour with her in the garden, while my wife took some me-time.
We've visited the zoo in Salzburg on Sunday and she was like a different person. She was really open, happy, curious. She had a lot of fun. Nevermind the small vomiting accident on the way to Salzburg. We didn't know that she can't get auto rides that good. But it was just a short intermezzo. After the Zoo we went to a playground and we thought all the kids were tired after the long day. Spoiler: they weren't.
Sunday was also the first evening with a really short crying about her mom. She also wanted to sleep together with the other kids in their room. So the first night not in our bedroom. She was awake at 4 AM and my wife had to sleep next to her, but hey, it's a progress. \
If we are indoors, she behaves a bit different than outside. She seems to be more scared or I don't know. It's hard to describe because I don't really know what it is and what is the cause for the sudden behavioural change. I've never seen a four year old child chewing on her fingernails the moment she get scared.
Now she trusts us and that's the thing. Slowly we learn how to handle her little "tricks" if she wants to eat something completely different or she doesn't want to go to bed and similar situations.
The end is near
Today we got a call from the employee of the administration. On Friday she can meet her mom for 1 or 2 hours in a dedicated room. Now we also know how long she will stay in our family. On the 14th of September she will get back to her mother.
If it will really happen, nobody can say.
Still 11 days to go. A lot can happen. The mother can decide, that she isn't ready for the whole thing. Or her 3rd kid is there (she is currently pregnant with her 3rd kid from the 3rd man).
I don't know how I will feel if we are there saying goodbye to her. What my wife will feel. She is deeper in this situation than any of us. And what my kids will feel. They have different point of view and they are affected differently. It's a big, very dynamic situation. Full of emotions, unanswered questions, pondering, tears and laughs.