Becoming foster parents
All of a sudden a three years old girl is living with us. My wife and I started ca. two years ago a process to become foster parents. We have a nice family, we are living in a nice home, our kids get almost everything from us. They can try out musical instruments, sports, we let them explore their own interests. And at a certain point my wife asked me:
-What do you think about becoming foster parents?
I was really surprised. It came out of nothing and it was a question I never asked myself.
Traveling in time
The more I thought about it and the more we talked about it, the more I was able to identify myself with the thing. Actually from both sides. I had a horrible childhood. (It's something I'll write about in a separate post. It would be too lengthy and a bit off-topic here.) And there was nobody to help me. Not even an institution existed back then for such cases. It was rather for kids who lost one or both parents. I needed this help so much and nobody came to bring me out. I know exactly how it feels being trapped in a situation you was born in. A family you didn't choose, just became a part of it. I had a strong reason to offer my help and possibly help children, who are really in need.
Where there is light, there must be shadow
I had fears. I had my traumas and I feared it will hit me too hard. During the process we had to participate in a seminar. Two employees from the local youth wellfare office (I guess it's the english word for it) and other couples, who wanted to be foster parents. A lot of different topics around this huge responsibility. One of the topics was an excercise.
Imagine you are a mother who has her issues (drugs, alcohol, mental issues, etc.) and she has to place her child in someone's care. What do you think how does she feel? Try to take her shoes.
Because of my issues I had a hard time to feel these things. I was too rationalist for this kind of task. Round 2:
Imagine you are a kid, who experience violence, will be neglected from the parents, the home is not a safe and cozy place. What does this kid think? What feelings are there? What fears?
And it hit me. Suddenly I was there. Back in my childhood. With no protection. My robbed childhood and teen years. The pain, the hate. The nights in December standing in snow, wearing just PJ's and waiting for the police. It took me about two days to get back to normal. But I believe it was also part of the healing.
An unexpected journey
This summer we were finally through with all the administration's tasks, questions, visits and so on. We are certified foster parent. We were on a list with our phone numbers to call if there's a child in a situation. My wife told me about 2 or 3 days ago, that she don't think we will get a kid. We can't do full-time care, just short time, until the administration finds a good place or the kid can go back home to the own family. Also the child has to be younger than our youngest kid. So we thought something between 0 and 2 years. Also the range we named during the process. My daughter had her birthday party with her kindergarten friends. And my wife got a call from the administration. A three year old girl needs help. All the other families are on vacation somewhere else and we were the last hope. The birthday party got an abrupt end (well it was just about 20minutes earlier than planned) and we tried to clean up a bit, to give this little girl a good feeling when she arrives. One hour later she stood there.
What's next?
The two employees stayed there for about an hour. In this time the little girl got to know our kids, started to trust my wife. The kids showed her the house, the toys. The employees handed out a letter, that we take care of the little girl, and her health insurance card. They had a bag full of clothes. There was a lot of winter clothes and clothes too small for her. She also had a backpack full of plush toys. And we were left alone with her. We went for a walk, she wanted to see some horses. We took a dinner back home and started to get ready to go to bed. That's where she got anxious. She cried so hard, because she missed her mom. It was awful to listen to. She loves her mom but she is irresponsible for this kid. The little girl was told that she makes a short vacation with us. And we will try to do our best to make her a nice holiday.